Tomatoes in October! What?!
I couldn’t believe it. I went outside this morning and saw vines of tomatoes ripened and ready to be picked. I thought a few weeks back would have been the last harvest of the season. I am so happy I didn’t rip the plant out. I was going to! Who knew I would still be harvesting tomatoes in October. I guess something in me told me to keep them for a while longer and today I get to eat them in a lovely omelet I am going to make.
Of course, there’s a very profound message that goes along… It’s never just about one thing or the other. We are all living in a divine world where time rarely stands still and everything happens when it’s ready to happen. Even if you are picking tomatoes in October!
For a long time, I always thought I needed to know what I wanted out of life. I always knew I wanted to marry and have lots of children. Plan A worked out and I have thus far loved every single moment. What I never thought of was, Me. I was a fairly young Mama and I never figured out who I was before I became a mother. And, now that I am no longer taking care of little ones in the sense that I am needed 24/7 it sometimes left a deep ache in my heart, I was on a constant search to “find myself”. My children have seen me go through different career paths, jobs I absolutely hated and they saw me completely lost. I always wondered if this screwed them up in some way or another. I let go of that. It was part of healing. For a long time I wondered how this unhealed Mama was going to be able to show her children what a stable life looks like and “how” life should look. There’s no fine print on life. Experiences are here to help us grow and learn a long the way.
Then…
I realized that life doesn’t have to “look” like anything. Like harvesting tomatoes in October we are all here to complete a task of figuring life out as we go along. And, that looks different for everyone.
As a Mama of five, life has rarely ever moved in a straight line. There have been different seasons, different responsibilities and different dreams. And, there were plenty of moments where I often wondered which path was actually mine. I spent so much time trying to figure things out that I forgot to just enjoy where I was. Sitting here typing this, I feel a little sad. I feel sad for the extremely unhealed version of myself who thought I had to be anything other than who I was in that season of my life.
Somewhere along the way, I found a little peace. I didn’t find it because I suddenly woke up one day with all of the answers, I found it because I learned somewhere along the way that maybe I don’t need to know what my entire path looks like, and that I only need to trust what the next step is. I have learned to let life unfold instead of constantly having to know what the next step is going to be. I learned that my children received this lesson as well because they chose a Mama who never had it all figured out and maybe that softened their little hearts a bit along the way. Somewhere along the way I hope they gained clarity and wisdom watching me figure things out.
I am learning to let life unfold instead of constantly trying to control where it leads.
Maybe this is another kind of harvest!
After years of nurturing everyone else, I am finally learning to nurture myself too. I am listening to what my heart is asking for. As my children are getting older now and figuring out their own paths I have a soul filled with wisdom and a mind that has softened to help them understand that life doesn’t have to be figured out and sometimes it takes us longer for our season to finally come to fruition. And, just like the tomatoes still growing in my garden in October, I am being reminded that there is no expiration date on growth. Some things take longer. Some dreams ripen later in life. And, paths reveal themselves when we stop trying to force them and let it be.
Peace isn’t found when we figure everything out, peace is found when we realize we don’t have to.
With love,
Diana Rose
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