The title of this blog was taken from the motivation app that I have on my phone. I mainly have it for blogging purposes and sometimes a little pick me up. There are days where I think we can all use a little motivation, especially when writing. This one hit home for me which is why I had to take the plunge and blog about this very important concept in life.

The relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for all of your relationships.

It’s true. It all falls into a very popular category that seems to be all over the internet right now, especially for women. “Self-love”. I am by no means debunking the self-love factor for men. Naturally, I am a woman blogger and naturally you’ll get the perspective on this topic from my perception on it as a woman. I know very well that men and women both struggle with this. I do think most would agree that men are definitely not the first ones to realize and admit it, I do put that blame on society. There are so many programs run in society that portray men as being the strong ones, the bread-winners and never the weak. Men, If you can relate or anything resonates with you during this blog I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Self-love comes from a deep place within. From a very early age I always had a boyfriend. I started dating pretty young and to be honest if I knew then what I know now I would have learned how to find happiness within myself before anything or anyone else. On the outside I always portrayed myself to be confident, independent and strong. I am all of these things, however I never really loved myself enough to put myself first and sometimes the way I portrayed myself never truly matched how I felt. I rarely ever said no to people, I just wanted to be liked. I always and I mean always saw the good in everyone. It’s a beautiful trait to carry. However, it is not so beautiful when you are being taken advantage of and rather than seeing the truth about someone you find something good to hold on to them, because the way I saw it they loved me and that was good enough. I was not strong enough to let someone go because I needed something from them. I needed them to love me more than I was ever capable of doing for myself.

I avoided confrontation at any and all costs. I’d agree to disagree. No one wants to argue and everyone wants to leave a conversation peacefully, of course. I never valued myself enough to have an opposing opinion so I’d just agree to avoid conflict. In the end I walked away wondering what it would feel like if I just stood in my power and spoke my truth. Avoiding conflict is a coping mechanism used when we have low self-esteem. I always felt the need to live my life with the approval from those I surrounded myself with. Worrying was my middle name. I worried about everything. I worried about what everyone would think, I worried about not doing what others thought I should and I was always seeking approval.

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength-carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of it’s sorrow, it empties today of it’s strength” ~ Corrie Ten Boom

If you have read any of my past blogs or know me personally you know now that I am a go-with the flow kind of girl. That is a very recent part of me that I now carry through the strength I endured through my failures, fears and lack of self-love, self- esteem and self-worth. That’s a lot of “self” lack. Guess what? I carried that all with me for the majority of my life. The lack of, that is. I don’t think we really understand these concepts until we are slapped in the face with them and in order to understand fully we need to understand where it’s coming from. Our universe will keep giving us situations to deal with until we understand that we need to start putting ourselves first. I have changed my major in school back in the day more times than I can count. I failed a class, I changed my major. There was no confidence in me to push forward, to fail forward. That led to me always wanting something different to fill that empty void. It carried into my adult years, of course. At forty-three years old I am finally following my dreams and not someone else’s. I am confident enough to say, “I am an Intuitive Reiki Healer and Life Coach. I am a writer writing a book and I am currently blogging because it makes me happy and fulfilled. I am also a Mom to my five amazing children and Wife to my upmost supportive and loving husband”. I never had the confidence to say this. Up until just a few months ago I was still searching. The search is over. My universe has placed me exactly where I am suppose to be.

I will be spending the rest of my life loving myself, being true to myself and gaining real relationships because in the end you are the only person you will be spending the rest of your life with and all the lives your soul chooses to endure.