I stopped writing for a while, AGAIN. Not because I don’t love it, but because life got loud. The kind of loudness that convinces you that your dreams can wait.
Silence isn’t peace for me. Writing is. Or, maybe it’s both. After all, it’s silent when I write. What happens inside of me when I don’t write? I feel uptight and filled with emotions that need to be spilled. That is usually when it is the loudest.
I didn’t stop writing because I ran out of words. I stopped writing because life got full. Responsibilities grew and the noise got even louder. And somewhere in between, I put my pen down. I put my computer away. I put everything away like it didn’t exist anymore.
Here’s the truth- I am not my best self when I am not writing. Writing has always been the place where I return to myself. I can feel it now as I am typing away. My soul feels like it has just freed itself from being trapped inside a body where it does not belong. Life has been so loud. A different kind of loud. The loudness was within me. My body is different now. It went through a major surgery. I had a full hysterectomy just 10 short weeks ago. My body will never be the same again. This has been and will continue to be the greatest healing challenge of all. Being still is hard. Allowing myself to become lifeless will be even harder. Therefore, I must continue to fulfill my soul and keep writing. I realized that when I stop writing I start shrinking. I become reactive instead of reflective. I move through my days without pausing to understand them. Without understanding, why are we here? Healing is a part of our journey. Healing is a part of being human. After all, we came here to heal old wounds. My wounds will turn into triumphs and they are paving the way to greatness.
I owe it to myself to keep writing. Not because it makes tons of money. Not because anyone is waiting for it. Not because it’s impressive. I owe it to myself to keep writing because it’s who I am and it’s who I become when I write. Writing used to be something I did when I had time. I would often times treat it like a luxury. I now realize it is something I need to make time for. When I don’t write I disconnect from myself. With that said, there’s no better reason than to write. When we are disconnected from ourselves we are unable to thrive. We stay stuck inside a vessel where our soul just wants to flee. That feeling is all too familiar to me. It’s a viscious cycle that stops when I feel free. Free to be me. Free to be who I am and not who I think I should be-I never fit the societial norm and I am finally okay with that. Writing frees me in ways I cannot truly describe. I am at me best when I am writing. So. Why do I stop?
This is my reminder. Not dramatic. Not loud. Just firm…
I owe it to myself to keep writing. Even if it is messy. Even if no one reads it. Even if it’s a short piece at the end of the day and I do not publish it. Although I should. There may be someone else that needs to see the raw, authenticity that comes out when I write.
I owe myself that release. I owe myself the refuge in releasing my words from my endless overthinking mind. The kind of thinking that over powers my souls path to move forward. I owe myself the clarity and I owe myself that space. The space that I create when I write. A space that is essential for me and only me. A space where I can free myself and speak my truth, unapologetically-ME.
And, I am done pretending otherwise.
Until next time….
Love & Light, always!
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