An overflowing heart wanting to hang on…

Grief is nothing less than an emotional pitfall filled with an overflowing heart wanting to hang on. Did I describe that well? I could go on and on about trying to explain the ins and outs on trying to fulfill the description on what it truly feels like. The thing is, it is very different for everyone. I truly do not think I have ever seen one grieve the same as another when it comes to loss. Loss is the strangest phenomenon of life. It is inevitable, yet once it hits us we really don’t know how to see the light when it happens, even when we try our hardest to do so. Once we master seeing the light in such a devastating time we then see that love really does conquer all.

“There are moments which mark your life; moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same and time is divided into two parts…BEFORE this and AFTER this”. -Unknown

I think that is the hardest part when our minds starts turning, its the overflow of memories, thoughts and; What now? I mean, yes there are pictures and thoughts that make our memories stay alive yet that will never be good enough until we come to terms with trying to truly find peace within ourselves as we maneuver life in such a different form, the before and after. I’ll never forget the first time I lost a soul so near and dear to my heart. I was four years old and I dreamt of her passing before it had happened, if you have read “A Sojourn Journey” I mentioned she was a cat. She wasn’t just a cat in my eyes, she was my bestie and the only one who understood me at the time, as any four year old would think. At the tender age of four my heart was completely shattered. The truth is her soul stayed alive and I remember being greeted by her many, many times after she had crossed over. It wasn’t known to me back then that I had a very special gift, a gift that I let go of and had found again much later on in my life. A gift in which we all have…Being able to connect with our loved ones after they cross over.

There is an inevitable challenge that comes with everything, Change. Change is the hardest part for us, well some of us. For me, I actually used to despise it until I realized through many life experiences, the good and that bad that it helps us understand and see the light. I have only realized that change, even the hardest parts of life can be okay if we put our mindset out there to believe that. You have heard me say this in so many of my writing pieces. Change is the part that I really think hits us and it is ultimately where our minds go. Losing someone and thinking of all the changes is so hard. It is the part where we are truing to imagine our lives without them and that is the biggest change of all. The questions in our minds start racing. It’s the unknown, its the part where fear sets in because we just do not know. We don’t know where to be at this very moment. We don’t know how to act, what to say and the biggest; How to move on. I think the moving on part is the hardest of all. Guilt sets in. That feeling of guilt when we do wake up in the morning, one day even happy, and we ask ourself; Am I suppose to be happy? Is it okay to be happy? The answer is, yes. Our loved ones want us to be happy. They want us to see the light and they absolutely want us to feel the love that we still hold near and dear in our hearts. There’s a lot that comes with losing someone we love. The emotional battle field hits everyone differently and time definitely does not heal all pain. I am still unsure if the pain of losing someone truly ever goes away, rather we eventually learn how to take that pain and turn it into something different, love. Hold on to that. It’s the love we have that hurts so bad. We all learn by experience, even our darkest ones. One cannot justify what another is feeling or going through during such difficult experiences in our lives. It is a time in our life where we start to understand the true meaning of love.

“When you believe beyond what your eyes can see, signs from Heaven show up to remind you that love never dies”. ~Julie Clapp

You may find that your loved ones who have departed will always be around. We do not need to be mediums in order to get signs and messages from them. You may start to feel chills running through your body and smell a certain smell that had always reminded you of them. You may even start seeing patterns knowing it is really them, they will keep giving you signs to validate to you that it is them showing up to show you love and grace. They want you to understand that although they are not physically a part of our lives, they are still here. Not in the way we wish, however they are still here. The departed soul never dies. You may start to hear their voice and then a memory will spark in pure delight. The next time you are out and about or even just sitting still in the quiet midst of whatever you are doing, stay aware and present. If you feel a beautiful wind fly by you or you get a sudden chill go through your body and then you are hit with a memory, that is your loved one, now your guardian angel coming to say hello. That departed soul is checking in and helping you see the light in a very different way. A way in which we have a chance to stay connected, a chance to see, feel and love in a different way. Once we find ways to stay connected it becomes a little easier. Trust me, it never truly gets “Easy”. The burden. The heartache and burning feeling in our throat and chest when we hear a song or something else that reminds us just gets a little happier as time passes on, happier not easier. That one day comes when we can smile as the tears are rolling down our face.

Do you believe in soulmates? If you do believe in soulmates you’ll start to sense their soul and energy flowing in the wind. Soulmates come in all different forms. When we think of a soulmate we think of a bond of intimacy between two people, that’s not entirely true. I believe soul mates come in all energetic forms and beings. A soulmate is one where we can truly feel their soul, it is a very deep measure of love. Have you ever been out somewhere and have been around someone and said “ I know you from somewhere”, and then that awkward moment hits when you have two people standing there truing to figure out and trying to remember and you are left with him or her not knowing you at all? A connection that never ever goes away. I will never forget being a child and going places and staring at someone, feeling their energy and knowing deep down that I knew him or her. I’d say “I know you”! And, of course the adult whom I was with would always splat out their words of wisdom…”You think you know everyone”. There was truly no hope for me back then when I was not led to believe myself. It wasn’t my time to figure things out and eventually I just let the trust in myself fade as if it never existed.

Past lives. Do you believe that we all have a past life? Those feelings. The connections we have had in the past are real. Your intuition will alarm you when you feel something that you have already felt before. It is a feeling that you usually cannot brush off. “Until we meet again”, The phrase we have all heard before. We meet people all the time whether it be home in heaven or somewhere in our next reincarnated life. I am positive that the cat you have heard me mention many times in my other writing pieces has come back to me. I know it sounds really crazy, but it is true. The reason I know this is because it was validated for me many times in my dreams. All we have to do is ask. That’s right! Just ask and you will receive messages from above. I receive most of my messages in my subconscious, during dream state. That is also when I get messages from my loved ones who have crossed over. I have been led countless number of times to something real, something that has turned out to be completely true. Tune in. You will be able to unravel these beautiful messages your loved ones are trying to hard to give you. 

I am about to get very vulnerable, raw and personal here.We all have things in our life that change us. Some changes that are so hard that we tend to hold on to the grief in order to not have to face the changes. It was January 6th, 2018. We were celebrating Christmas. I refer to him as my “ex”, however it wasn’t your typical family setting at all. He was our family. When I say “our”, I remarried and he and my husband have become very close over the years. My “ex” and I have two children together and my husband and I had three more. We were all a family. He’d come to Sunday dinner almost every weekend and watch football with us. Our first two would call out “Dad” and they would both answer. It was all funny and surreal. Whether we did it for the children all those years or we were all just meant to be in each other’s lives that is a question I have always wondered. Heck, maybe we were in a karmic loop of a past life and we were brought back together to hash out things we hadn’t in the past. We all knew each other growing up.  There were many, many times I received “De ja Vu” messages. I am going to bring you back to January 6th of 2018 before I keep rambling on and on. My “ex” left us in a very horrible and tragic way. His soul had departed and chose to do so with all of his loved ones near. I will never forget that day for two main reasons. One, I felt his soul leave his body and two, we all quickly were reminded how fragile life is and how we all need to just love, unconditionally. I also faced much trauma from this day as well. Most of us like to put on a brave face and stay as strong as we must for everyone else around us, myself being one of them.

When the pandemic started back in March of 2020 my Dad had gotten very sick. It was before anyone truly knew what was happening. I was able to sense that this was not going to be good for him. He was already undergoing many doctors appointments for a very serious infection he had on the bottom of his foot. He was a diabetic and I knew where this was headed. He had come down with a bad cold around March 25, 2020. I was texting everyday and making sure he was okay. I received a very clear message from his parents who have crossed over that my father was not okay and it was time for him to come home. I reached out to him the following morning and asked him “Are you okay, is your breathing okay”? He didn’t text me back right away and panic set in. I was calling his house and no one was answering. A few short hours have now passed and I get a reply from my father…”No”. I was able to eventually get his partner on the phone and I told her that she needed to get my dad to the hospital as soon as possible, and I had told her that his breathing is deteriorating. An ambulance had been called and his oxygen levels were very, very low. He was in the hospital during the very beginning of the pandemic and his life was taken way too soon.

In between losing my Ex and my Dad I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer that had spread very quickly to my lymph nodes. It was a series of months where I was trying to just get it all together. It was an experience that I will never forget because it was that one day that I woke up and decided who I truly was. A healer. A conduit for anyone and everyone who needs healing….

And that is where my journey had begun and I knew that I had gifts buried within me and I needed to uncover them.

A prelude to something more…A Chapter in a “SoJourn Journey”. Life is about sharing experiences because you never know who is going to need to hear the experience of another to get them through their pain and healing.

Love and Light, Always!

Diana Borisuck

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