The dreaded words of every teenager out there. There’s probably not one single teenager out there that loves when their parent starts a conversation with, “Back in my day”.

My son missed his bus so I did the motherly thing that most would and offered him a ride. My morning was completely screwed up at that moment, but I went with it. I totally could have made him ride his bike and tell him how I would have been walking in rain, sleet or snow to get to school but we all know that is just not true. I know we have all heard that before, I heard it countless times from my parents and I still to this day have to wonder if they were bluffing or not. Instead, I stopped what I was doing and drove him. I figured I’d spare him the bull shit. On the way to school, during a time when I felt it’s a nice way to get to know my teenage son a little better we started talking, well, I did. I made the mistake of saying something like….”Back in my day” to begin my sentence and suddenly the music got a little loud. Luckily, he listens to 90’s rap music and it was “all good”. A Dr. Dre song came on from 1993 and I was about to reminisce.

I am happy he made the music louder so we can both enjoy it and I am beyond thankful his AirPods didn’t find their way to his ears because we all know what that means. Parents, I have learned something. If your kid has their air pods in their ears it is a sure sign they do not want to talk. So, the moment was not a complete fail after all. Mom win?

I think one of the hardest things for any parent out there to learn is how to connect with their child. Connections are key. My husband and I have five kiddos and we have found over the years that they could not be more different from one another. And, being that kids do not come with a handbook attached to their bodies after they leave our wombs this can be really difficult to learn. Every single one of our kids is different. Different goals in life, different personalities and with all of that comes very different individualized parenting.

If you know me well or just know me from reading my blogs you will know one very important thing about me, I have a overflowing Fuck-it bucket and that goes along with the fact that I pick my battles with our children. Meaning, back in my daughter’s day if she wanted to go to school in a striped shirt and pants with polka dots on them along with un-matching socks who am I to tell her she cannot. My boys, they went through this phase where they wore shorts until February. Their rooms were extremely messy at times and I always chose to close the door, unless they took my offer to help them. Except for the oldest child, a total neat freak. My offer to help them get out of their messy rut was always an option for them. They eventually all learned because I will tell you one very important thing, kids do not like to be harassed every minute of their lives and all it does is draw this barrier of non trust and they feel judged. If you are hearing sighs and getting that “look” from your kids every time you are in a room, back off! Stop judging them and the way they feel they would like to live their life at the moment. They do eventually want a clean and tidy space. It won’t last forever and you’ll probably save yourself useless arguments and unwanted tension.

Those little things above that I just mentioned, they are just examples. There were many, many things that came along the way where I had to make a decision about the battle I am choosing with them. And, I have learned that it’s only a battle if we choose it to be. Kids need to figure things out for themselves sometimes. It’s the only way they learn. We can be their guides. We can help them figure things out a long the way, but if we constantly keep doing things for them, then how will they learn and figure things out for themselves? I want my kids “Back in the day” stories to be memorable just like mine are. I want them to live each day with guidance, love and support. I do not ever want them to feel less than anything they want to be and I do not ever want them to feel like they are disappointing us.

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