It’s a slap in the face when reality hits home. Thinking back on all the things I wanted to do and didn’t because well, I just didn’t know better. Instead I listened to others whom I thought knew better. I didn’t have the confidence in myself to be different and follow MY dreams. I try my best each and every single day to not think about the “shoulda, woulda, coulda” factors of life. Sometimes I do. I quickly revert my thoughts to a better, more positive head space. “It was just not my time” is what I always tell myself.
I have been telling stories, dreaming and writing for as long as I can remember. I was always able to take the littlest detail and turn it into a short story at any given time. I always pictured myself as a writer. Publishing novels and writing for a big company in Manhattan. I think I dreamt it many times. I was always dressed in a classy business suit and working in a huge publication building as their number one writer. Remember these movies?… My favorite was the one with Meryl Streep and Anne Hathaway; A Devil Wears Prada. Then there was “How to lose a man in 10 days” with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson. I always pictured my life as a writer, just like the movies!
I remember being in college and one of my professors said “You’ll never make a living writing” and she proceeded to steer me into a professional career as a teacher teaching english. I remember this conversation as if it were yesterday. I guess certain things just stick with you. I changed my major that semester as I thought she knew better. I am in no way shape or form putting any blame on anyone. I truly believe that is what was meant in my path but I do wonder sometimes…What if? Be a writer, that is. What if I was confident enough to stand in my own power and just go fo it? Without caring what others thought. What if other people’s opinions didn’t affect me? The truth is I have lived a great part of my life basing my decisions on other peoples opinions and thoughts. Standing in my own power and truth was something that I have not been very good at for many years. It was a very big part of my healing journey and I am finally discovering a part of myself that I have never known before. It feels weird and sometimes very lonely. The discovery. The self-discovery, the self-love and confidence that I never had before.
Something came up today that made me think of this significant part of my life and that is what prompted me to share this. My daughter told me today that she wanted to make some changes in her life. Changes that meant she’d need my support, positive words and unconditional love and guidance. My mother in law was over and we were both very proud of her and her decisions. I told her the story about how I didn’t follow my own dreams and how I let someone else’s opinion get in the way. I also told her that making people happy was a lot more important than my own happiness. It’s a life lesson for eternity. A life lesson that I am forever grateful for because I was able to share these stories with my daughter and help guide her through her tough times and decisions.
By the way, I never became a teacher(wink).
Love and Light, Always!
Recent Comments