This post is one that is near and dear to my heart and is going to be written with intention, purpose and faith that if you are reading this it is meant for you. We all have the power to heal ourselves. From anxiety and depression to illness and disease to emotional and physical pain. We can heal it all! It starts with learning to put ourself first and learning to love ourself with a full and open heart. For many, this task is not easy. It can be very difficult and trying at times. We get caught up in a victimhood mentality, we own what is not ours and as long as we hold ourselves to it, it will remain our truth. It does not have to be. We all let our thoughts get in our way. We hold on to all things that do not serve us and eventually it can literally take over our mind, body and soul. I am here to tell you that it is possible to self-heal and I am sharing my story with you.
It all started back in January of 2018. My cancer diagnosis literally knocked me off my feet. Hearing those words was just mind-blowing. And, if I can be very transparent with you from that day forward every single day that I woke up, I was dying. I will never forget the fear that took over my mind when the doctor first told me, “You have cancer”, stage II Papillary and Follicular thyroid cancer. It immediately affected me like I have never been affected before. Those months leading up to my surgery were grueling. Test after test. I felt broken most days. There were days I had to force myself out of bed. The only reason I kept going was for my husband and my children. They truly are the ones who saved my life. When my biopsy came back my doctor immediately referred me to one of the best surgeon’s on Long Island. I will never forget the fear in my husband’s eyes talking to the doctor and scheduling my appointment for surgery. We both held the same fears, I am sure. Fear is a blockage. Fear is not just a word, it is one word that can take any situation and make it the absolute worst situation of your life. I waited about a month until we reached the date where I would have a complete thyroidectomy and six of my lymph nodes removed.
Moving forward to post surgery…
I was surrounded by love that day. My Dad, now my angel and my guiding light was there every step of the way. He refused to leave the hospital. There was only one person allowed in recovery and he very graciously kicked hubby out. My husband did not mind, we had five children at home just as fearful and as nervous as he. We felt the best thing to do was for our children to have one of their parents at home. My Dad was there making me laugh, cracking jokes with the nurses and making sure to tell me that I was going to be fine. He, of course had to touch every mechanical thing in the room and even pretended to be the nurse. Here I am trying my hardest not to laugh, I mean after all I just had my neck operated on, I was still so grateful to have one of these memories with him that will last forever. Thankfully, I am a very healthy woman and I was out of recovery and home in no time! The days following after surgery were hard. The fear of dying never went away. I eventually got used to a new normal in my life, living without a thyroid. I had to make many life adjustments. I did them everyday with a smile on my face knowing I had a family that was watching. I held back many tears and heartache to be as strong as Mommy can be. I refused to brake down. My body had to get used to functioning off of this tiny little pill and I had to get used to living with that fear. It took a couple years to find the right dosage that worked for me.
A few months post surgery I was told I had to have treatment because the cancer had spread so viciously to many of my lymph nodes. I was okay with it and wanted to follow the doctors orders. I have so much to live for! The day eventually came where I had to show up to my first appointment over at North Shore medical hospital. I will never forget walking through the hallways and seeing what other people were going through, some who may never even be able to go home again. My heart broke for them. It made me, in a way, feel gratitude. I know that sounds terrible. Feeling gratitude in exchange for a situation like this. I held so much love and space for them. I had to go to the hospital every day for about a week. Testing, injections and eventually a radioactive iodine pill that I needed to swallow and it literally set the alarms off in the hospital as I walked out to go into my car. I went home and had to isolate myself from my family for a week. I had to stay in the basement and when I needed to pass through the house to go into the kitchen I sent a group text message alerting everyone I was passing through. I was “radioactive”. Fear and isolation. Not the best feeling to have. I kept myself busy, thankfully I love to read and the weather was beautiful. I was able to sit outside.
I had to see my doctor every three months for check-ups, mostly to see how my body was reacting to my medication. I felt a lot of pain most days and developed many different ailments. About two years later I had gotten some pretty bad news, It seemed that the cancer was back. Again, after testing my doctor was pretty sure I would have to go back for more biopsies and possibly another surgery. I had to make the decision to start my journey of self-healing.
The power of self-healing had now begun!
I did not know where to start! I decided it was time to reach out for help and joined a couple facebook groups and had mentors in my corner. All of these tools had been literally a life saver! The first step, reaching out for help is the hardest. The second step is knowing that we all have the power, in our own hands to heal. It starts with the mind. Our thoughts and our thought patterns are crucial to how our body reacts and creates our reality. In the beginning when I mentioned how the fear took over me, it did. It was a word that I set into my mind and eventually I was sick again. Fear can rip us a part. Fear of the unknown causes more stress than we will ever know. Learning how to let that fear go was not at all easy. Anything worth doing is really never easy. Mindset is a very controllable capability. Please note, we are capable; again not the easiest task to overcome. I struggled with this concept for most of my life. Fearing I am not good enough. Constantly worrying about things that have not even happened yet. I can go on, and on. All these fears have stood in my power to let go of anything and everything I could not control and just be in flow. I started with practicing mediation. I used solfeggio tones that my beautiful coach, Jennifer Barrett-Clerkin AKA Multi-dimensional Jen had me using. She helped me balance all my meridian channels. Larissa Martinic/ Goddess Giving, she was a blessing; she helped me realize my angel guides are always with me! Maria Deesy/Transformational specialist, she still to this day is helping me stand in my own power! All three of these women were my reasons I was able to push forward. I am thankful, grateful and blessed to have had these women by my side.
Here I am on my way to my appointment to have my biopsy done. Before they do the actual biopsy they do a sonogram first. A guided sonogram along side with the doctor who is taking the specimen and then passing that on to the pathologist who will then send it out to the lab. I will never forget lying there. My Dad, who had passed on to become my beautiful angel was in the room. I felt his energy. Something I have never felt before. To validate my feeling the doctor cracked a golf joke and I knew my Dad was by my side the whole time, this time in his metaphysical way. I closed my eyes and felt the vibrational energy running through all my channels. It was the most profound and beautiful feeling! To my surprise, as well as the doctor there was nothing there! The doctor asked me why I was here. I explained. He said, well, there is nothing here. I will send over the reports to your doctor. I was mind-blown. My doctor had called me about a week or so later and I heard the moment of surprise in his voice. There was noting to explain. I told him about my journey and the power of self-healing. He was pleased to hear it all and I felt a feeling of pure accomplishment! I felt empowered!
I just want to start out by making it very clear that I do believe there are times that medical treatment is necessary. It is after all the treatment that I have undergone the first time(which I am very grateful for), that put me on a good bill of health. I needed to realize that I can very quickly wind up sick again and be in the same position. It doesn’t necessarily go away. Everything I had undergone was just a stepping stone for me to keep the disease away. That part was entirely up to me. Fear keeps us stuck. It is a small four letter word that can make or break us. I think back sometimes, what it would have been like if I stood in my own power the day the doctor called me with the cancer news. I know how this is going to sound, it is going to sound crazy. I am grateful I had cancer. If I didn’t it would not have put me on my self-healing journey where more than you can imagine wound up coming out! I have cleared so much over the last year. And, my journey will never end. It is a journey that will last the rest of my life. We are always healing. It takes willingness and power and a love for ourself that I cannot even explain. It starts with just that, loving ONESELF. My journey has also made me realize why I am here, to help others create their beautiful journey. The three beautiful souls I have mentioned above are still cheering me on. That is how the universe works.
I love you. <3
Love, Light and many Blessings,
Diana
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