What was I? Honestly, I cannot explain it. The only thing I can explain is I was a series of too much when all I wanted to be is simple ole me. Does that make sense? Simple ole me was never good enough. I was a series of living in the past, reconstructing what I knew was already done and over with and repeating those cycles. Over and over again. The constant back and forth of unbecoming who I am not to only go right back there. I’m not stuck. I am repeating old cycles. I am clinging on to who I WAS instead of letting go of that and being present for who I AM.
Sometimes being who you are is letting go of what you think others are thinking. It is so much easier said than done, trust me. I know. The human ego in us wants to judge. We are judging ourselves so hard that we create the illusion outside of us that others are judging us too. That is exactly what it is. An illusion. Anything outside of who we are is just that. So, why can’t we just be happy with who we are?
Many of you know I was working in a corporate 9–5 job and life was pretty good the last couple years. Until it wasn’t. I started seeing the truth. I started understanding why I have stayed away from such environments for so long. I started to understand that it was absolutely not who I was meant to be. I am not knocking the corporate world, it is just not for me. I lasted two whole years! As the days got longer, my soul grew even more stray to who I really am and what I want to be. I let go of my healing. In a short while my body grew tired. I held on for as long as I did because I didn’t want to disappoint everyone around me. On June 5th, 2025 I put an immediate resognation in. The day I was unable to function as I was barely able to get out of bed-filled with stress and anxiety-that was the day I chose me. I simply quit. After I quit I found myself going back to the many other things that never worked for me. Why? Because what does work for me isn’t really a “job”. I was so focused on proving I was worthy enough and forgot what it is that truly sets my soul on fire. I am doing it right now. I am writing. This is what sets my soul on fire.
Here I am. Back to square one. Finding myself. Again. Although, this time it feels different. Did I ever lose myself or was I just trying something new that needed to be part of my journey? Am I simply just going with the flow to what is presenting to me? Do I have a new opportunity to see the world differently? Different in a way where I will shape-shift to my reality and not someone else’s. I am like the chameleon hiding in the depths of the greens-being whatever everyone else wants me to be.
In a field filled with sunflowers, I am the sun…
I will continue to turn to myself, as I am the sun in a field filled with sunflowers. I will not judge where I am in life. I will see myself for who I am NOW, not the person I once WAS. I will be the sun where I turn to when I think I need to be understood as the only person who needs to understand is me. I will admire who I am and where I am in life even on the days I feel stuck. I will remind myself that I am a little stuck, change my mindset and always look to the sun to bring me back to where I belong. The sun is me. I am the sun.
Until next time…
Love & Light, Always!
Recent Comments